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Tonight feels like maybe Thursday and not Friday.  This week chugged along and now that it’s the weekend I want to get so much accomplished (laundry, cleaning, decluttering) and the other half of me just wants to sit around and not do a thing.   I know there are bugs going around and people are getting sick on and off, so staying healthy and getting rest is important when I have the time to slow down.

Tomorrow my friend moves away to live with family and start a new chapter in her life.  Ironically I waited till just before she was going to take off before investing in becoming her friend.  GRRR. But I am happy she gets this fresh start and adventure to experience. I’m going to really miss her.

This weekend I am hoping to possibly meet two new friends.  We’ll see how and if it happens.  I hope so.  It’s strange how in my life I can feel like I want close friends and then the other half of me feels like being antisocial.  I guess what I really desire is one great close girlfriend who I truly click with who lives close enough to get together without it being a pain in the rear to meet up.  The search is on! 😛

I am excited I’ll be going to witness my BFF’s baptism in February.  I can’t wait.  It will be good to see her and her family and get to meet her new friends and see where she lives.  I can’t believe she’s been moved and gone for almost 4 months already.  It feels so much longer.

My dad has more surgery on Monday.  Sometimes I wish I could scream for time to stop, but I know we all have to go through things that toughen us up and make us stronger physically and spiritually.  I feel like witnessing my dad have health problems is an out of body experience.  Like I’m watching it all happen from the otuside of a snow globe and he’s on the inside having to deal with all these minsurgeries and procedures.  And he’s still smiling and having an awesome attitude.  That takes strength of character and strong faith.   He has both.

Church wise I’m not sure what I want to do.  I’m so tenative about returning to church.  I want the community without having to deal with the building and the whole order of usual things.  Sometimes I wish services could be held ouside where nature just screams that there’s a God.  Why be stuck in a stuffy building??

Here’s a poem I wrote:

Sweet Sunday        8/17/2008

Sweet Sunday.
It’s a day for rest, a day for play.
The sky filled with clouds, waiting for rain.
It’s a day for reading, coffee and booze.
The boob tube on with no news.
It’s a picnic in the park. Fried chicken and pasta.
It’s a day for church and a day for contemplation.

I used to look forward to getting up early.
Putting on my finest and going to that building.
Now I’ve stepped back and don’t put on my finery.
I head over to coffee and think over what’s pretty.
I’d rather be in nature where the sun shines bright,
then to be stuck in a building with a folding chair grinding my butt.

I know to not go is considered wrong.
I should be in community and one that is strong.
But I feel stifled sitting there in the pew.
Where I’m supposed to follow the sheep and do what they do.
I’ve gone through the motions before I was born and now that I’m old I’m taking a stand to figure out what I know.

I know I believe and I know people think to believe you must go.
Sign up now before you are cast into hell.
They might say I’ve slidden into this muck.  A wayward sheep heading for the slaughter.

But I still believe.
My faith hasn’t waned.  I’ve just stepped back and am looking from the outside in.


One Comment

  1. Heather,

    I enjoyed your post. Sounds like you are on quite a journey. My wife and I have been on a similar one this year. We both read a book called, “So you don’t want to go to church anymore” and it helped us process what we want out of a church experience as well as understand some of the reasons it hadn’t been working for us.

    As you and I don’t know each other I certainly don’t want to be presumptuous by suggesting books, but I did want you to know I connected with your sharing. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

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