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This past weekend I went to Texas to be there for my best friend’s baptism.  What an experience.  Due to lack of sleep I was weepy as soon as I woke up! My allergies didn’t help me either.  We went to church in their neighbor’s van.  The church we went to is a big Baptist church.    The foyer alone was breathtaking. The inside was beautiful. I was allowed to stand off to the side of the baptistery so that I could take pics while she was being baptized, but due to my crying nonstop I let her friend take the pics which came out lovely.   The pastor preached like how I envisioned a Baptist preacher preaching. He told it  like it is and he said it with authority! 🙂

After the service we went to lunch with my friend’s neighbors who have become their best friends.  We went to this great tasting Mexican food restaurant that’s in a house that’s been converted.  The food was great and the atmosphere was nice.  They even played Christmas music.  That surprised me a bit since it’s Feburary, but always a classic you can’t help, but play it.

It was hard to live TX.  It’s my second time going and it was neat to stay in a different place.  I did sightsee around the town they live in near Dallas/Ft. Worth

Now that I’m home and taking a day to reflect on this past weekend I feel a bit drained.  Good drained, not bad drained. It was such an emotion packed weekend getting to meet my best friend’s new best friend and getting to see where she lives and what her life is like there.  The baptism was the icing on the cake!

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I have been silent for almost one week!  This past week work has been going better and better.  This weekend I am getting to see my BFF whose in town for a visit.  I can’t wait.  It’s weird how four months can feel like 4 years. Silly, but it sure feels like it.

I’ve been going to the Saturday night service at the Foursquare church.  It’s nice and small.  I went to  a new comers dessert which was fun and informative.  It was an overview of the church’s beliefs and a history of the church and also a question and answer time.  It was great to meet some other people who are also, new at attending there.

This upcoming week is a journal/devotional workshop I’m going to go to, which I’m very excited about!

Tonight I got to spoil my husband with giving him my reward for working so hard aka spending bookstore gift certificates! Considering how much I get spoiled by him I felt like spoiling him right back.

My agenda for tonight is to sit and read and get a good night’s sleep.

A brand new year is here and I was able to wake up two minutes before the clock struck midnight. Silly kids banging what sounded like pots and pans!

Today I’ve been contemplating what I want my revolutions (not resolutions) for this year should be. I don’t want to over burden myself and end up falling through on all of them, so they have to be simple, but also meaningful to me.

Here they are in no particular order of importance:

1.    Eat vegetarian (yes no meats except possibly chicken).

2.    Read all the books I already own before getting books from a bookstore or library.

3.    Do sits up daily and go on a walk at least 3x a week.

4.     Blog daily.

5.     Attend Saturday night service and get involved to expand my friendship circle and spiritual life.

6.    Go on a date with my husband at least one night a week (like a movie, bowling, hike, day trip, etc).

7.      Call my extended family more often.

8.      Work on my novel DAILY even if it’s just character sketching or researching something online for it.

9.      Pray more (privately that is).

*** Bold was used on particular words so that their importance will jump out at me more.  It’s not a means of    ‘yelling’. ***

I went to church again.  Christmas Eve of course.  I’ve cried a bit the past two times I’ve gone, but this last time no tears were shed.  I was even able to sing without getting chocked up.  It was nice to not be so sensitive. Not that anything is wrong with tears in church, but I feel like I’m more comfortable there.  I even made a few new ‘friends’ and people I previously met remembered my name! That sure does wonders for a new attendee.

Christmas was a very low key pleasant day.  Now that Christmas is over I feel like I’m finally getting in the spirit of it and it’s over. Oh, well 2009 will be here soon and another opportunity to be less a Scrudge.  I was happy to have a Holiday that wasn’t overly filled with too much.

Today I went to the movies with a fairly new friend.  The movie was o.k. It was just nice to hang out.

Not sure what I’ll be doing the rest of the day.  I’ll probably be spending lots of time in the “quite room” aka the guest room. It’s nice to have one clutter free room at home where my OCD can stay at bay and I can read without worrying about tidying up everything.  I really need to learn the art of relaxation in the real sense.

Here is a poem I wrote awhile back on the whole subject of being OCD or at least acting like it:

****************************************************************************************

OCD Whirl        8/17/2008

It’s quite a demon to be plagued by this.
Clutter haunting your mind, trying to get in.
Being able to move about without double checking everything.
Random thoughts invading your mind.
Trying to be peaceful when your mind is going so fast your head is spinning.

It’s a personal demon I try to ignore.
I try to push it back to where it was before.
Out of site and out of mind.
Trying to be good and not be left behind.

I thought meds would fix it, yet the affects were hell and not worth it.
Now I’m back to my old self and the demon is back.
I’d rather tame this demon then be trumped up on meds.
************************************************************************************************

I may go to church tonight since I like the smallness of the Saturday night service vs the more crowded one of Sunday morning.  I just love how calm the pastor’s voice is.  Very sort of slow, methodical and soothing. Not hyped up or dramatic, but simple.  Sometimes I can just feel myself going, “AHHH” when I walk in the door.

Last night I bought my ticket to go to TX for my best friend’s baptism.  I can’t wait.  Almost only one more month away and then I’ll get to see her.  I’m so very excited about this. I feel like I just want to pop I’m so excited.  I’ve been waiting for this day for FOREVER and now that it’s here it almost feels surreal.

I posted a new page of the books I have read this year so far.  My count is not as thrilling as I’d hope it would be, but I still have a few more reading days left of 2008 to crank out a few more titles.  I think the goal of 120 was overly ambitious.

Off to go take a nap….or at least read. I’m zonked.  Hopefully my throat congestion will go away.  I hate feeling like this…..the cold air actually felt good this morning.

Tonight feels like maybe Thursday and not Friday.  This week chugged along and now that it’s the weekend I want to get so much accomplished (laundry, cleaning, decluttering) and the other half of me just wants to sit around and not do a thing.   I know there are bugs going around and people are getting sick on and off, so staying healthy and getting rest is important when I have the time to slow down.

Tomorrow my friend moves away to live with family and start a new chapter in her life.  Ironically I waited till just before she was going to take off before investing in becoming her friend.  GRRR. But I am happy she gets this fresh start and adventure to experience. I’m going to really miss her.

This weekend I am hoping to possibly meet two new friends.  We’ll see how and if it happens.  I hope so.  It’s strange how in my life I can feel like I want close friends and then the other half of me feels like being antisocial.  I guess what I really desire is one great close girlfriend who I truly click with who lives close enough to get together without it being a pain in the rear to meet up.  The search is on! 😛

I am excited I’ll be going to witness my BFF’s baptism in February.  I can’t wait.  It will be good to see her and her family and get to meet her new friends and see where she lives.  I can’t believe she’s been moved and gone for almost 4 months already.  It feels so much longer.

My dad has more surgery on Monday.  Sometimes I wish I could scream for time to stop, but I know we all have to go through things that toughen us up and make us stronger physically and spiritually.  I feel like witnessing my dad have health problems is an out of body experience.  Like I’m watching it all happen from the otuside of a snow globe and he’s on the inside having to deal with all these minsurgeries and procedures.  And he’s still smiling and having an awesome attitude.  That takes strength of character and strong faith.   He has both.

Church wise I’m not sure what I want to do.  I’m so tenative about returning to church.  I want the community without having to deal with the building and the whole order of usual things.  Sometimes I wish services could be held ouside where nature just screams that there’s a God.  Why be stuck in a stuffy building??

Here’s a poem I wrote:

Sweet Sunday        8/17/2008

Sweet Sunday.
It’s a day for rest, a day for play.
The sky filled with clouds, waiting for rain.
It’s a day for reading, coffee and booze.
The boob tube on with no news.
It’s a picnic in the park. Fried chicken and pasta.
It’s a day for church and a day for contemplation.

I used to look forward to getting up early.
Putting on my finest and going to that building.
Now I’ve stepped back and don’t put on my finery.
I head over to coffee and think over what’s pretty.
I’d rather be in nature where the sun shines bright,
then to be stuck in a building with a folding chair grinding my butt.

I know to not go is considered wrong.
I should be in community and one that is strong.
But I feel stifled sitting there in the pew.
Where I’m supposed to follow the sheep and do what they do.
I’ve gone through the motions before I was born and now that I’m old I’m taking a stand to figure out what I know.

I know I believe and I know people think to believe you must go.
Sign up now before you are cast into hell.
They might say I’ve slidden into this muck.  A wayward sheep heading for the slaughter.

But I still believe.
My faith hasn’t waned.  I’ve just stepped back and am looking from the outside in.

Attended another church this morning.  It was a definite mega church and I felt my guard going up.  People were friendly and said, “Morning,” as I drifted by, but I didn’t feel like I’d arrived home.  I’ve driven by this particular church countless times and I’ve always been curious about it and now that curiosity is over.

They gave a very nice little gift/welcome bag with info about the church, a pen and a Starbucks gift card. That was a new edition to welcome bags. Sort of crazy to get a coffee gift card, but hey it makes sense.

I’m torn.  Last week the Foursquare church felt more homey and comfortable.  I felt like I could let my guard down vs it going up automatically.  But then the Unity Church was very welcoming and I felt like they took the time to try and get to know me, though none of the churches I visited and sent an email equaled getting a reply from them, which is quite frustrating, but everyone is busy these days.  The ironic thing is the Unity and the Foursquare church are practically next door to each other.  I want to go to a church where I’ll be challenged, loved and that people will actually notice and care if I don’t show up.  Some churches you don’t show up after awhile you never hear from them asking if everything is alright.  Nothing.  That turns me off to returning because if no one notices I stopped attending then did they notice me come my first Sunday?

I want the community, but it’s choosing which type of community and to decide what do I actually believe?  What flavor of Christianity do I want to join? I don’t even know if I want to go down the road of membership.  Yes commitment is good, but I don’t know if I want to become another social card member of Christianity.

I think I will do best in a smaller church setting vs being a number.  I want a place not overly far away so that going to events won’t be difficult.

Today I’m hoping to finish up laundry and keep reading the book I just started.  Last night I finished reading Save Me From Myself by Brian “Head” Welch.  That book I’ve wanted to read since I saw it come out last year and it was POWERFUL.  The neat thing is he lives in my area so some day it’d be cool to get to meet and talk with him in person.

Yesterday got to have my mom go with me to see “Twilight.” Watching it for the second time was just as magical as the first time.  I still got goose bumps when Bella first spies Edward enter the school cafeteria.   It’s definitely a keeper. The chemistry was electric between the two main characters.

Off to go have lunch soon.  I’m starving!

This morning I actaully stepped foot into a church. I’ve never been previously to  a Four Square church, but today I went and it wasn’t overly different from what I’m used to.  The people were fairly nice.  Of course during the music I cried a tiny bit.

They were having a children’s chior from Uganda visiting and it was so breathtakingly touching and inspirational.  I ended up buying two CDs. One for me and one for my parents.

Tonight just watching tv and coloring a fun poster from Michaels.

I have so many mixed emotions.  It wasn’t easy going back, but I know I need to find a spiritual home.